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Ponytails are in as the Army Announces Revised Grooming Standards

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The Army has revised the grooming standards addressing the impact of grooming on females in this service branch. A special panel made up of soldiers from across the service representing all ranks, units, ages, career fields, age, and races making up the Army met to review proposed grooming and appearance modifications in 2020. Army senior leaders approved the modifications in December 2020  that take effect in late February 24, pending an Army memo to be sent out Sgt. Maj. Brian Sanders, Army G-1, Uniform Policy Branch sergeant major shared.

The panel included psychologists and dermatologists to make changes in standards for females, noting that Soldiers are not Soldiers 24/7 and have roles outside of the Army.

Hairstyle standard changes for females that will be authorized are:

  •   No minimum hair length for female Soldiers – a change from the minimum hair length of ¼ inch
  • Allow for multiple hairstyles at once – meaning braiding, twisting, or locs can be worn all at once
  • Short and long ponytails allowed instead of a bun
  • Long Ponytails allowed for Soldiers during physical fitness training and with the Army Combat Uniform (ACU), during tactical training where they are required to wear a helmet; Soldiers will be required to tuck long ponytails into the ACU blouse
  • Highlights allowed as long as it presents as a uniform and natural appearance; the colors of purple, blue, pink, green, orange, bright red, fluorescent or neon colors are prohibited

Other grooming changes that will be authorized:

  • Option to wear gold, silver, and diamond earrings while Female Soldiers are wearing the ACU
  • Solid lip and non-extreme nail colors for female Soldiers
  • Clear nail polish for male Soldiers

These changes in approved hairstyles stem from medical considerations as tight hairstyles can lead to conditions of the scalp to include hair loss, and tight buns prevent properly wearing the helmet allowing for full visual fields for females while wearing the gear.  Female soldiers are currently able to wear earrings with service and dress uniforms, and these changes allow for the earrings to be worn with all uniforms. However, pearl earrings are still only authorized with the service and dress uniforms.

Extreme colors such as purple, gold, black, blue, white, fire-engine red, hot pink, yellow, and other neon colors will not be allowed for lip or nail polish colors for female Soldiers in uniform. The addition of the allowance of clear nail polish for male soldiers allows for men working in specialties that are in contact with harsh chemicals to protect the nails.

  The grooming updates will be included in the next update to the AR 670-1, Wear and Appearance of Army Uniforms and Insignia.

Biden Releases Transgender Troop Policy

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On January 25, 2021, President Biden signed an executive order which reversed the previous ban on transgender individuals serving in the United States military. This new order was signed in the presence of Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin, Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mark Milley and Vice President Harris.

The Executive Order states that “All Americans who are qualified to serve in the Armed Forces of the United States (“Armed Forces”) should be able to serve” and that gender identity should not prevent someone from serving in the military. Allowing transgender individuals to serve in the military does not negatively impact the DOD’s mission referencing the 2016 Rand Corporation study completed on transgender individuals serving in the Armed Forces to determine the costs and political readiness implications of transgender. The study was completed and provided several recommendations to include that the DOD include openly serving transgender service members to diversify their workforce based on the research that integrations of transgender individuals did not affect foreign military policy.

The order references further support for transgender service members being allowed to serve was demonstrated in 2018 when then Chief of Staff of the army, Chief of Naval Operations, Commandant of the Marine Corps, and Chief of Staff of the Air Force testified to Congress to that there was no morale or unit cohesion problem from those military members who were openly transgender. The executive order further states that “permitting transgender individuals to serve openly in the military was consistent with military readiness and with strength through diversity, such that the transgender service members who could meet the required standards and procedures should be permitted to serve openly.”

It further dictates that the Secretary of Defense and Secretary of Homeland Security in respect to the Coast Guard shall prohibit involuntary separations, discharges, and denials of reenlistment based on gender identity, retroactively review records of individuals who were involuntarily separated discharged or denied reenlistment or continuation of service based on gender identity, and to issue guidance to the Secretaries of each military section to correct military records.

Language within the Executive order repeals the previous the previous Presidential Memorandum on this topic. Specifically, it states “The Presidential Memorandum of March 23, 2018 (Military Service by Transgender Individuals), is hereby revoked, and the Presidential Memorandum of August 25, 2018 (Military Service by Transgender Individuals), remains revoked.”

Preparing for Winter Storms when Moving from Military Housing to Off-Base

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Are you prepared for winter storms? Winter preparations for your home differ if you live on base or if you live off. According to a study conducted in 2010 analyzing family housing choices, 22% of respondents lived in on-base military housing, 32% rented in the community, and 38% owned homes in the community. There is a learning curve to being your own landlord when transitioning from on-base housing to off-base housing. For those who have lived solely in on-base housing, preparing for winter in a rental home or your own home off-base is a new experience. Be equipped with these tips.

Trim trees

Trees look beautiful, draped in snow and ice. But a tree that came through a window in your bedroom with said winter décor is not. Tree branches become heavy when covered in ice and snow, so if there are tree branches within falling distance of your home, make sure to trim them back before the winter weather is anticipated.

Empty hoses

 Anything outside in the elements can allow the water to pool in it, which can freeze in temperatures below 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Pull hoses off of outside spigots and drain all the water from them. Store them in an outdoor shed or garage until spring.

Turn water off outside

In the same vein as hoses, turning off outside sources prevents water from pooling to that source. For instance, if the faucet outside fills with water and the temperatures drop below freezing, the water inside can expand and split the waterline. A crack in a water line can lead to a flood inside the home.

Prepare the pool

If you have a pool in an area with freezing temperatures in winter, hire someone to prepare the pool for winter. They can appropriately prepare all pipes and tubing as well as

Make sure your contact information is up to date for your insurance.

If there is a winter hail storm, for instance, your insurance will likely contact you if you are in an area with a storm. They will check to see if there is damage.

Check your HVAC.

If you have been living in base housing, you should have been provided filters to change monthly, but it is up to you to do it depending on the base. When you move into your own home, the need to continue to change your filters in the recommended time frame continues. Also, doing seasonal maintenance is key.

Clean Fireplaces.

Fireplaces are not standard in military housing. When moving into a home with a wood-burning fireplace, ensure that the chimney is cleared and allow for smoke to move freely. If it is a gas fireplace, make sure all the connections and fans are working appropriately. Either way, make sure there is a functioning Carbon Monoxide detector nearby.

Clean out gutters.

Clean out gutters of sticks and foliage from the gutter to prevent melting snow and ice from moving through the gutters. If there is a backup of vegetation, a build-up of ice can stay on the roof or gutter, leading to strain on the drainage system.

Prepare for snow/ice.

Make sure to have salt on hand to ice driveways and walkways. Plan for clearing snow off driveways or sidewalks.  Be familiar with what the county or state will do in regards to neighborhood roads. Be prepared to clear snow and ice on driveways and walkways in your direct vicinity.  

Do you have any tips to add to prepare your home for winter?

10 Ways to Use Your Tax Rebate Wisely

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Tax time can be a confusing time. There are many numbers, acronyms (we have so many of those in the military community), and those ever-important dates for filing. After the paperwork is gathered, numbers are entered, and the filing is done, the wait begins for the tax rebate to show up in the mail or bank accounts. What to do with the rebate once it arrives? It is tempting to splurge on something new and exciting. There are wise and useful ways to spend the rebate.

  1. Pay off orthodontic bills. While the military’s dental insurance does cover a little of orthodontic care, it does not cover it all. Especially as military families move across the country while a child, or yourself, is under orthodontic care, this leads to bills for care. Then there is a phase I and II of orthodontic treatment, and that can add up quickly. Use your rebate to pay for the remaining amount. If you pay the bill in full, ask if the orthodontist will provide a percentage off to cover this payment in full. It may not seem like a splurge, but using the rebate money is a splurge on a pretty smile!
  2. Pay off or put a payment toward a high-interest loan. Have a credit card debt? What about a high-interest car loan? Maybe you are paying off school debt. Use the rebate to pay it down or off. Interest adds up, especially when it is above 10%. Depending on the risk, most investments can earn 7-10%, so any interest rate higher than that is worth paying down faster. This allows your money to be yours at a quicker pace to have available to invest in the future if you desire.
  3. Put payment on the principal of your home payment. Putting a payment on the home mortgage will lower the principal amount and save some of that interest added to the larger principal amount. If you want to pay off your house sooner, consider adjusting the paycheck deduction, so you do not get a rebate at the end of tax season and instead receive the higher paycheck monthly and use that extra money to pay off the mortgage with bigger payments monthly.
  4. Invest in a Financial Planner. Some fee-for-service financial planners can help determine the best investments for your family. From a Simple IRA to a 529 or education savings accounts, financial advisors can guide types of financial accounts that best suit your family’s financial abilities.
  5. Boost Your Emergency Savings. Financial emergencies happen. The car engine stops working, you need to pay for an emergency dental bill, or the HVAC in your home stops working in the dead of winter.  If you don’t already have an emergency fund, put aside your tax rebate for it. Set an attainable goal – be it $500 or $1000 and go up from there as you are able. The age-old saying is to have three months’ expenses as an emergency fund. If funding is less predictable, have a larger emergency fund.
  6. Build up your PCS fund. Moving is not cheap. While the government pays for the physical move of the household goods, and there is reimbursement for hotel stays when moving to the new location, there are still extra costs associated with replacing missing and broken items and pantry items. Put the tax rebate aside in an interest-bearing account ready to pay for the upcoming PCS costs.
  7. Build a Savings Goal. If you have paid off debt and built up an emergency fund, start saving for a savings goal. If you want to own a home, consider building up savings for payment on the principal of a home, even if you use the VA Loan for the purchase of a home. Are you looking to purchase a car in the future? Consider saving for that. Maybe your goal is to buy new furniture during your twilight tour that you don’t worry have to worry about the weight with. Or perhaps your family wants to buy a Recreational Vehicle in the future to explore after retirement, consider the rebate as a boost to saving towards it. Decide on a savings goal for yourself or your family, and put the tax rebate toward that.
  8. Consider purchasing life insurance. While in the military, SGLI provides wonderful life insurance coverage to the active duty member, but life insurance is not available after retirement. Life insurance provides coverage of funeral expenses and any living expenses needed for the family left behind.
  9. Invest in education. Whether it is education for yourself or your spouse, using the rebate to pay for college courses can be an investment that pays dividends later. Maybe you wanted to take photography courses or get a certificate in a computer program. These skills can help build business or skill levels to help with future employment. If you have been looking at going back to school, using your rebate may be a smart way to do it.
  10.  Save it. While this sounds like the simplest of all of the above, if you already have the debt paid off and an emergency fund in a separate account, maybe all you need to do is save the amount. Let the interest in your savings or checking account grow a little more, and you will be ready for whatever you need when you need it.

14 Items to Get at the Commissary to Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day at Home

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St. Patrick is the patron saint and national apostle of Ireland. The legends that surround him that he drove the snakes out of Ireland and shared the Trinity through the use of the Irish clover, the shamrock, led to the celebration of St. Patrick. The secular holiday began in the United States in the 1700s and has grown over the years. While the potato famine occurred in Ireland, there was meat readily available in America, making corned beef a welcome addition to the potato and making dishes like corned beef brisket a staple for St. Patrick’s Day celebrations.

The International Aisle is a bevy of options for traditional Irish goods. Start St. Patrick’s Day with Irish Oatmeal that is truly hearty. There are several stone-ground mustards available in the International Aisle with varying levels of spice or kick. A seasonal favorite is Irish Potato Flakes – once made and kale or cabbage added with heavy cream makes the traditional Irish mashed potatoes of Colcannon.

Outside of the International aisle, the meat department offers plenty of options. Pre-packaged containers of brisket with carrots, potatoes, cabbage, and spices are all ready to go in one convenient package. When you get home, all that is needed is to put it in a stew pot with the required amount of liquid and viola – a traditional St. Patrick’s Day meal is ready to go. If you prefer, corned beef can be picked up in the meat department. The produce section offers a bounty of potato choices in addition to carrots (maybe even mix up the colors with rainbow carrots) and cabbage. Pickling spices are available in the Deli and/or spice aisle.

If Irish Seafood Chowder is your celebratory dish for St. Patrick’s Day, pick up any variety of seafood from the seafood counter from salmon, trout, or shellfish. The vegetables for the stew vary based on taste but can include celery, potatoes, or cabbage.

If you want to make your own pickling spice mix, hit the spice aisle to pick up whole peppercorns, bay leaves, mustard seeds, coriander seeds, crushed red pepper flakes, allspice berries, ground mace, cinnamon sticks, whole cloves, or ground ginger. The recipe for corned beef and cabbage pickling spices vary, so stick with the spices you know and use after making the pickling spice mix. Some basic pickling spice mix would be mustard seeds, allspice berries, bay leaves, salt, and pepper.

If you want pre-made Irish Soda Bread, check out the deli for a selection of different sized loaves of bread, some made into the size of muffins. The deli is a great place to get sugar cookies in shamrock shapes to decorate at home or even pre-decorated for a non-traditional but sweet treat.

For the adults in the home, if Irish Coffee is the cocktail of choice to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, pick up a strong, bold ground coffee and sugar from the commissary in preparation. If you are looking to make it a 21 and up only cocktail, don’t forget to stop by the Class 6 or Package store for Irish Whiskey like Jameson.

Things to get from the Commissary for your St. Patrick’s Day Celebration:

  • Corned beef
  • Cabbage
  • Potatoes
  • Carrots
  • Pickling Spices
  • Stone-Ground Mustard
  • Seafood as desired
  • Celery
  • Irish Oatmeal
  • Irish Soda Bread
  • Shamrock Cookies
  • Heavy Cream
  • Strong Ground Coffee
  • Sugar

What will you eat this St. Patrick’s Day?

Vacation Planning for Pandemic Year 2

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As we enter the second year of a world in pandemic mode, we as humans are craving exploring the great outdoors. While travel has changed drastically, there are still ways to explore and plan vacations safely. Military families are not immune to travel during pandemic, with many having to travel to complete Permanent Change of Station (PCS) orders. Many states limit nonessential travel still, so vacation planning will look different during a pandemic. With different planning, a break from the monotony of stay at home, and the virtual school can be safely completed.

  1. Stay Local. The safest way to travel is to stay in your local area. Many states now require quarantine either before or after travel to the state, except for those traveling on government orders. Planning a staycation locally means you are aware of the current requirements and guidelines for the area. There is the advantage of being aware of resources like grocery stores and medical care if needed. And there is no travel needed outside of your own personal vehicle.
  2. Review the COVID-19 Cleaning Guidelines. If you are looking to stay at a hotel, call to inquire about the COVID-19 cleaning guidelines they follow and ensure they have flexible cancellation policies. Many hotels are following more stringent cleaning policies and require a gap between guests in the rooms.
  3. Keep trips short. Gauge your comfort level with short staycations. Traveling is not the same as it once was, and it can cause an increase in anxiety in some. If you are wary of traveling, pick a location near you and for a day or two. Feeling uncomfortable? Head home, and even if you can’t get all of your payback, less money is lost.
  4. Get outdoors. Free exploration through hiking is a wonderful way to get outdoors for a fun vacation. There is lots of space to move, keeping more than 6 feet from others freely. Tent camping allows for the family group to stay together and enjoy the space. Bringing and prepping your own food and sleeping in your own sleeping bags means you are in charge of your living quarters and food.
  5. RV it. Like camping – this is a home on wheels. You can grocery shop once a week and take it on the road, pulling into RV/campgrounds for refueling and waste dump. It is economical and limits contact with others outside your family group. Remain mindful of travel restrictions and consider staying within your state for exploring.
  6. Sanitize, sanitize, sanitize. Let’s repeat it. Remember to bring sanitization. Just like leaving your home to grocery shop, wherever you travel, bring sanitizer with you.
  7. Discuss travel plans with a travel agent. Travel agents are updated with current travel restrictions for areas and aware of each area’s refundable policies.
  8. Go completely virtual. The safest way to “vacation” is in your own home. Consider “camping” under the stars with live and wildlife cams of National Parks while laid out in sleeping bags in your living room.  
  9. Book charades at home. Escape through the pages of a book by reading a book out loud with your family and act out scenes as you are able.
  10. Cooking camp. Another at-home vacation through culinary exploration. Choose a cookbook you have at home or can find online and cook around the world at home.

Vacation planning may look different this year, but it can be done – locally or virtually. As with any travel, continue to check for travel restrictions and updates prior to any travel.

Commission to Rename Bases Formed

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The 2021 National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) included a bipartisan agreement made by the House and Senate members requiring that the Secretary of Defense implement a plan submitted by a commission to rename 10 military bases that are named after Confederate Generals. The 10 bases that will be renamed are Ft. Bragg in North Carolina; Camp Beauregard and Fort Polk in Louisiana; Fort Benning and Fort Gordon in Georgia; Fort A.P. Hill, Fort Lee and Fort Pickett in Virginia, Fort Hood in Texas and Fort Rucker in Alabama. The army bases were named by the War Department during World War I and II and are now getting a name change.

Part of the 2021 NDAA was that a commission is formed to plan the 10 Army bases’ renaming. The NDAA stated that the commission would be composed of eight members, four of which would be appointed by the Secretary of Defense and appointed no later than 45 days after the bill passes. On January 8, 2021, Acting Defense Secretary Chris Miller announced the appointment of four people to the commission assigned with the task of renaming these military bases. Acting Defense Secretary Chris Miller selected Sean McLean of California, Joshua Whitehouse of New Hampshire, Anne G. Johnston of North Carolina and Earl Matthews of Pennsylvania to the Commission on the Naming of Items of the Department of Defense that Commemorate the Confederate States of America or Any Person Who Served Voluntarily with the Confederate States of America. The other four members will be selected by the House and Senate Armed Services Committees’ ranking members.

The NDAA provides specifics on the meetings and reports required as part of the commission. Per the bill, the commission must hold its first meeting within the first 60 days after the bill becomes the law and must brief the Armed Services Committee on the current plans no later than October 1st, 2021. The commission has been given three years to complete the plan for the name changes. By October 1, 2022, the commission must brief their plan of the costs associated with the “renaming or removing the names, symbols, displays, monuments, or paraphernalia that commemorate the Confederate States of American or any person who served voluntarily with the Confederate States of America” including the procedures for the renaming. For further details about the Commission can be read in Section 377 of the National Defense Authorization Act here in the Senate version of the bill. While H.R. 6395 National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2021 has become a public law as of 01/01/2021, the full public text is not currently available as of this writing.

Understanding Military Pay in 2021

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The National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2021 was passed January 1, 2021, and secured a 3.0% military pay raise for 2021.

Base Pay

Monthly base pay is based on rank and years of service. For instance, if you are an E5 with over 4 years of service, the base pay is $2,798.10. An O3E, a commissioned office with over 4 years of enlisted service, with over 8 years of total service has a base pay of $6,628.20.  A breakdown of active duty pay for Enlisted, Warrant Officers, Commissions Officers with over 4 years of Enlisted Service and Commissioned Officers can be found here.

Basic Allowance for Housing Pay

In addition to monthly pay, depending on rank/pay grade, number of dependents and geographic location, a service member collect Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH).

BAH rates are assessed annually to determine if there is a need for housing allowance to change to better align with current housing costs based on location.  The new BAH rate are effective beginning 1 January 2021 and overall have an average increase of 2.9%. Check your local area by inputting military rank and the zip code of the military base or city associated with your or your family’s military orders to determine the 2021 BAH rates here.

If you are living on base, the military housing agency will take the BAH at the previously agreed to rate.  For instance, if you moved into your home and the BAH rate is decreased, your BAH rate is grandfathered in and will not decrease so they will continue to collect the previously agreed rate.  If you are living off base and your rate goes up, you will keep the difference.  And if it goes down, your rate will not decrease.

Additional Pays

Basic Allowance for Subsistence (BAS): BAS is meant to offset the cost of meals to service members and comes from the historic origins of when pay in the military included room and board. Beginning in 2002, Enlisted service members received a full BAS ration per month. When rations are provided in the field, these meals are then paid for from the BAS paid to the service member. BAS increases annually based on the USDA food cost index. If a service member is on unaccompanied orders and living in government quarts, they receive BAS II. The 2021 BAS rates for Officers and Enlisted Service Members as well as BAS II can be found on the DFAS page here.

Hardship Duty Pay (HDP): HDP is divided into two categories: HDP-Location and HDP-Mission. HDP-Location is compensation provided to service members assigned to locations that have been determined to have living conditions below the conditions provided within the Continental U.S., or CONUS. The amount provided to the service member is dependent on the location area. HDP-Mission is provided to service members that are assigned to designated hardship missions as listed here.

Hostile Fire/Imminent Danger Pay (HFP/IDP): This is also referred to as combat pay. Any service member assigned to a designated IDP area is paid per month, so if you enter a designated IDP for one day, the service member is paid for the entire month. The HFP is pro-rated based on hostile fire. Service members cannot receive both IDP and HFP. Further details can be found on DFAS here. Currently qualified hazardous duty areas are listed on DFAS here. Imminent Danger Pay as of January 2021 is listed here.

Hazardous Duty Incentive Pay (HDIP): HDIP designates special duty pay based on hazardous duty. There many duty options including but not limited to Parachute Duty, Flight Deck Duty and Polar Region Flight Operations Duty.

Family Separation Allowance (FSA): This pay is extended to service members when dependents are unable to accompany the service member. This is often extended to service members when on temporary duty on ship, deployed overseas, or on unaccompanied orders. FSA is pro-rated per day after 30 continuous days away for your permanent duty station.

Assignment Incentive Pay (AIP): AIP is extended to service members that involuntarily extend in unusual assignments.

Depending on occupation, special pays for aviation, submarine, diving and foreign language proficiency pays may also be offered.  

Entitlements are listed in block 10 of the Leave and Earning Statement (LES).

Should You Prep for Your PCS Now?

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If you are moving this summer cycle, it’s time to get ready to move. Does 6 months sound like too much time? Nope, it is just enough. There is a lot to do to get ready for a move, and being as prepared as possible can decrease the stress. No, moving is not stress free (unless you are totally moving your stuff, but there is a different level of stress there) but prepping for your move now can lower than stress.

Research.

While you may not know where you are moving to yet. If you want to do a DITY (Do-It-Yourself) Move, begin research on types of vehicles or trucks. If you want to do it, begin collecting boxes from neighbors, grocery stores or Buy Nothing groups and begin slowly packing out of season items first. There are a variety of moving companies that will drop off a truck and you load it yourself. You can hire loaders too if you want.

Go through the pantry.

Pantry items are one item that movers often don’t move. While some military families have shared that movers have moved canned goods, opened items are a no-go in a move. Even if you just moved this past summer, go through the pantry to find shelf-stable items and plan to use them. Start to plan out use of the spices in your cabinet, or begin to give them away.

Pull out seasonal clothes.

Some military families have their orders 6-12 months in advance and can determine which clothes will be needed to move. If you are moving from a sunny, warm climate like California, you may need to add other seasonal clothing to move to Rhode Island. But if you are going East to West, you might be able to shed some of the winter gear. Once the season has passed, box the items up for donation through Goodwill, AMVETS or ThredUp which have curbside drop-off, pick up or mail in options.

PURGE.

 In the winter months, when the weather is colder and you don’t want to head outside, delve deep inside to the closets, cabinets and garage. Do you have a dress that you haven’t worn in 5 years? What about your kids clothes? Maybe you don’t need to have 5 bins of holiday décor (or if you do, that’s good too!)? Figure out where you can cull. Planning for the PCS months in advance means you can do one room type a month if you wanted to – the kitchen first, then living room, then dining room, then bedrooms, then bathrooms, then closets. Taking a purge step by step feels a lot less panicked.

Ask Questions.

The new fiscal year starts in October for the federal government. Rules for reimbursement are on the books now, if you have a question about what your move rates, ask the Transportation office now.

Save for it.

PCS season is expensive. There are hotel stays, travel, babysitting costs, kennel costs, just to name a few. Start saving a little bit at a time now so the cost isn’t so surprising later. Starting earlier allows for spreading out the cost and savings in more manageable bits. Even if you are charging PCS costs on a credit card (and getting those points!), you have the money ready to pay off the card when the bill comes.

Stock up.

Start slowly building a stock of things you need for the move. Ziploc clothing squares allow for early packing of seasonal items that slip in easily to moving boxes protecting your clothes and making them easy to unpack. If you are doing a DITY, start building up a stock of boxes, bubble wrap, and packaging paper.

Make a list.

Start listing out valuable items and gather any receipts you have for them. If there is a model or serial number, add it to the list. Go room by room to add items, creating a master list in a slow and steady fashion. A copy of this list can be provided to the movers for high value item list, allowing for everyone to be on the same page.

The point: Start early, you’ll thank yourself later.

Resolve to Have a Healthy Military Marriage in 2021

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The last year brought challenges that no one expected. A lot of time together in a stressful situation that was beyond anything that was previously experienced. Relationships were stressed. Building a strong marriage relationship can provide a steady base on which to build. In the new year, resolve to have a healthy military marriage with these tips.

Go on a marriage retreat!

Did you know that each branch of the armed services offers marriage retreats? These retreats serve as a way to connect and discuss any concerns. Retreats use enrichment programs to help couples open communication. These are free to military families. Some have childcare offered, but overnight retreats do not cover childcare. Consider swapping childcare with a trusted friend so you can take some time to cultivate your marriage. Make sure to make reservations in advance (or as much as a military family can). Look for these programs on your base. Navy and Coast Guard offer CREDO Marriage Enrichment Retreats in each region. The Air Force retreats are offered through Marriage Care. The Marines offer Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program and the Army offers retreats through Strong Bonds. Look up these programs on your local base page to learn more.

Keep Communication Open

            Long work hours and unpredictable schedules can prohibit communication. Sometimes once children are added to the family, communication can be purely logistical. Making time to talk about something other than school schedules or who does the drop off for soccer isn’t easy. Schedule it – on the digital or paper calendar. This will ensure that you are sitting on talking. When apart and daily communication can’t happen, try writing a daily email of thoughts or questions. It keeps a discussion open even when apart. When you are able to, date each other. Dates at home can be accomplished to save money and provide a fun way to connect.

Talk About Money

            We have all heard the phrase – don’t talk about politics and money with family, but talking about money is valuable in marriage. According to Business Insider, money is the number one cause of argument in a marriage. Discuss bills and payment plans. Have monthly meetings to review and develop a budget and discuss money goals. Pinterest provides a bevy of budget sheets to track daily, weekly and monthly expenses. Being open about pending costs can prevent a fight.

Plan

            This one is a hard one with the unknown of the military lifestyle. Planning doesn’t mean have everything plotted out, but it does mean discuss things ahead of time. If you are planning to PCS in the next year, have a plan for downsizing if needed and gather important paperwork in one location. If a deployment is upcoming, discuss the plan for pre-deployment and post-deployment, and how best to communicate when on deployment. Separations can be times of stress both in-country as a service member and at home as the family. Plan for the contingencies. Make sure there is appropriate Power of Attorney paperwork ready and up to date, and consider Last Will and Testaments.  

Seek Help If Needed

            If it is difficult to talk to each other, or you don’t know how to talk about a subject, there are professionals who can help. Each unit or base has a chaplain where family members can confidentially share concerns and they are trained and able to discuss or refer as needed. All military families can utilize non-medical counseling through Military One Source or Military Family Life Counselors (MFLC). Military One Source can be reached both CONUS and OCONUS with their phone numbers or chat functions.  MFLCs are located at child development centers, youth and teen-based centers, schools on and off installation, and sometimes part of military units. TRICARE coverage allows for medical counseling if needed. Conflict and miscommunication will happen in any relationship, getting the tools to help with these discussions can help build a marriage.

Relationships are not a one-size fit all. Add the unique challenges of military life, it can be difficult to keep communication open with clear plans. Being on the same page for your goals in marriage will help build a strong partnership, one that will be ready for all the flexibility needed in military life.